No seriously – go fuck yourself.  Take your Quantum of Solace, Mirror’s Edge, Fallout 3, Red Alert 3, Sacred 2, LEGO Batman, Fable 2, Gears of War 2, Left 4 Dead, Little Big Planet, Resistance 2, and Call of Duty World at War and shove it up your butts.  See if they fit.  I bet they don’t do they?  And guess what?  They don’t all fit in the fucking Fall either.

I bet you didn’t know there are actually 12 months in the year – not 2.  Yup, outside of October and November we have these great months like April, July, even February.  All perfectly capable months.  Months where I have plenty of time and money that I can purchase and enjoy your games.  

My wife doesn’t even remember what I look like.  My electric bill has doubled.  Pepsi intake tripled.  I’m a god damn video game playing machine sent from the future back in time with one purpose – to conquer the Fall gaming season.  So far the Fall is winning.

There’s also some personal changes, if you haven’t heard, I’m going to be a father.  Last week I got to see my kid for the first time, swimming away like some sea monkey – though he looked completely human.  And yes, it has my prominent nose.  It truly was amazing to just sit there and watch this little life moving around, and to know that somehow I created that.  

Another thing I’ve always felt I help create was Evil Avatar.com.  Or at least, the way it stands today I helped create it.  That all came crashing down as of yesterday as I announced my departure from the site.  With the aforementioned fatherhood and the success of Co-Optimus I knew I wouldn’t be able to devote my time to both sites.  There were other issues involved with this decision, and this caused a handful of other staff members to leave as well; my departure as sort of a spring board.  With that they created a new site called ColonyOfGamers.  I promised and have helped to get it off the ground, as I felt it was something of my responsiblity.  What I didn’t expect was such a huge following so quickly as a couple hundred members joined the site in only a few hours.  Not only that but more staff from EvAv seemed to follow.   

It’ll be interesting to see what happens next, and it feels weird to not be “part of EvilAvatar.com.”  I put so much time and money and effort into that site to see it literally all be wiped away in an instant breaks my heart.  But I guess that sort of explains part of the reason for leaving, as much as I thought I had control, I never really did.

Sunday night I was made aware of a few podcasts out there that were having some issues with being treated differently and unfairly as compared to say – an IGN.com.  Something happened this generation of consoles where community and fan based sites were suddenly recognized as a valuable asset to a product’s life cycle, and with that the average joe was suddenly rewarded for their hard work with things like games, interviews, assets, and events.   Over the past 6 months or so though, things have been changing a bit – the well has dried up.  So what happened?

Lets start at the beginning.

It’s September 2005 and it’s only a few weeks before the Xbox 360 launches.  Microsoft has a great PR Firm in a company named Edelman.  Edelman worked with Microsoft’s internal PR team on the product launch of the Xbox 360.  On the Edelman side it was lead by a lovely gal name Sara.  Sara had an idea – Sara realized something.  Community sites, podcasts, blogs and forums were a powerful voice in the gaming world.  These sites could get the message out to the hardcore about the Xbox 360 and other products.  So October 2005, I was invited to play the Xbox 360 a full month before it launched in NYC, and I was invited to represent Evil Avatar.com – a community site.  This was the beginning of it all for me, and for a lot of other sites in the industry.  It was the foot in the door, for the first time a major player in the game industry recognized our efforts.

Things were good for a while, we were treated like press.  In fact we were lumped in as a press site a lot of times getting access to the same resources as sites like IGN, Gamespot and others.  This was at a time before the Joystiq’s and Kotaku’s were very big,  blogs were just beginning to really grow – and they were lumped in with the community as well.  Eventually these sites were more tailored to presenting news and information and they grew in part because of this.

Other companies began to catch on, and soon third party publishers realized the importance of community sites.  I was lucky enough to attend numerous local events previewing new products before they came out, and I began to make some great contacts and friends at companies like Atari, RockStar, Microsoft and Midway.   As time went on, things got better and better, with more events and exclusives passed our way.  We even managed to get invited to the new and exclusive E3 in 2007.  Our list of contacts grew, our list of assets grew, and everything was grand.

Something changed though after E3 2007.  The return on investment for a lot of these companies stopped happening.   With a failing economy in the US the money grew tighter and tighter for PR.  Combined with the fact there are now no less than 6 major gaming shows a year (GDC, E3, Leipzig, TGS, PAX, and E4All) – time and money became extremely valuable.  So a lot of companies decided they’d try their hand at the community oriented PR.  With the success of sites like Major Nelson it’s easy to see why they might try to go that route.  And so, the well began to dry up for folks like myself.

The absolute boiling point for a lot of folks was E3 2008 this year.  In an event where everyone that was invited to go was “supposed to be there” – it was increasingly difficult for the smaller sites and podcasts to get appointments.  Suddenly we didn’t have “the numbers” or weren’t “the right focus” to talk to the same developers and publishers who we were having beers with not a year earlier.   It hurt a lot of people, it upset a lot of people, and it made a lot of folks angry.

After taking some time to reflect on everything, I believe this is simply the natural ebb and flow of the product cycle and where we as communities and pocasts and whatever else we are fit in.  At the beginning, we are part of the underground movement, the get the word out type people.  We cater to the hardcore, the early adopters, the trend setters.  As the life cycle reaches it’s peak, so do the people we reach out to.  After that peak it’s back downhill, with diminishing returns I believe for all parties involved.   I’m confident that this cycle will repeat itself when the next big game, systems, peripheral, service or whatever comes out.

I am extremely grateful for everything I’ve seen and done over the past five years.  If you would have told me half of the things that I have done, or got to see 10 years ago – hell even 6 years ago – I would have been as giddy as a school girl.  I LOVE what I do, I love the people I work with, the friends that I have made.  My place in all of this has never changed, I still do what I do.

You need to decide for yourself what you want to be.  If you want to be the next Kotaku – god I don’t know why you would – then do it.  Remember, Kotaku has corporate backing.  It’s a company, so it’s bound by the rules of it’s employer.  So build your empire, sell it to the highest bidder and reap the rewards.

Or continue to do what you love for the reason you love it.  Let the chips fall where they may, and in the end it’ll be just as rewarding.

Everyone needs to understand what their site’s focus is.  Who their podcast talks to.   You can BE anything you want to be, but when you give off conflicting ideas and goals it’s tough to maintain a strong userbase.  Whether that user base is just everyday readers, or strong community members; you need to be consistent with them.

I tried to stay as neutral as I could in all of this.  I tried to see both sides of the argument.   There’s a lot of conflicting emotions going around in my head right now, not just because of this whole “Press vs. Community” argument that keeps popping up, but a whole slew of things in my life.  Sometimes you need to just take a step back and enjoy what you have.

Well for one I’ve been REALLY into photography lately having purchased a Nikon D60.  So expect lots of great photos from the event.  I’m completely addicted to this stuff! I’ve purchased 3 lenses, filters, cleaning kits, bags, etc…I think I need help.

Of course, nobody cares much about still pictures anymore.  So I’ve also snagged an awesome HD Camcorder.  So if all goes well there we should have some nice video of game footage and hopefully interviews with developers and such posted.

We’ll also be live blogging the Big Three press conferences and a select few of 3rd party ones.  So be sure to keep an eye on this link for that.

Things are going well over at Co-Optimus, and the site continues to grow.   I just booked my flight and hotel for the upcoming E3 – something I’m really looking forward to.  It should be especially great this year thanks to actually having help cover the show with Evil Avatar Radio Host, Scott Benton.

We’ve put up a little donation ticker on the right to hopefully help offset the costs – so please donate!

On top of all this I was traveling for 2 weeks, one trip to Seattle for the MVP Conference and then off to Disney World with the wife.  It feels great to be home finally, but the workload hasn’t lessened any.

With the release of GTA IV tomorrow I plan on catching up on my gaming BIG TIME.

  XMVPs are paid by Microsoft to spread Xbox love across the interwebs – Although I could use more money with the pay increase, the truth is that this is a myth.  We’re not employees of Microsoft so we don’t get to collect a check.  There are former XMVPs that have ended up gaining employment within Microsoft but that’s a different animal.  Being selected doesn’t bring any bacon home to daddy.

Be sure to head over there and read the full list.

I guess I know what I need to buy.

Things have been busy as Co-Optimus has really started to do well, and I’ve been trying to promote and tweak the hell out of it to give it some serious exposure. It’s amazing what you have to do to get yourself a decent search ranking. What’s especially interesting is if you search for co-op games the results you find aren’t nearly as useful as the content available on Co-Optimus.

My gaming is finally starting to pick up again, having just completed Turok for a review that I’ll be posting in the next few days. I also started Devil May Cry 4 on the 360. I had received the PS3 version, but after hearing about the 25 minute install time I figured I might as well stick it to the man and show support for the game that you play on an actual console. Ya know, the one that doesn’t require PC like functionality.

I’ve been looking at the upcoming months and it’s going to be another insane year for trips with the Microsoft MVP Conference, a Disney Vacation, E3, a trip to Colorado and finally PAX in August. I’m gonna be racking up some serious airline miles!

Finally it looks like I’m going to enter the world of Macs soon, and I think I’ll be snagging either a Macbook or a MacBook Pro before the end of the month. Anyone have any tips for a newbie?

4. Halo 3 (360)

The game with the biggest hype of 2007 didn’t disappoint…most. The trilogy came to a solid conclusion, and it took you on some interesting twists and turns along the way. The beauty of Halo though can only be experienced by exploring the lore that surrounds it, which is masterfully expanded in books, comics and other literature. It’s especially well noted in the excellent advertising campaign for Halo 3 in which they depicted real life actors as veterans of the war in which the Master Chief fought in. The multiplayer modes are the richest and deepest we’ve ever seen on a console, and tools like Forge and the Replay Viewer are going to be new staples in console gaming. Did the game live up to the hype? No, of course not. No game could ever do that. But god damn was it a fun as hell ride.

3. Bioshock (360/PC)

As the “spiritual successor” to the System Shock series, Bioshock hit the PC and Console world by storm this year. The Action RPG became mainstream in this beautifully decorated underwater art-deco style world. The game was a beautiful blend of puzzles, action, rpg customizations all intertwined with a unique and twisting story which had one hell of a plot twister in it. Everyone will remember their first encounter with a big daddy, or the first time they saved a little sister. Now would you kindly continue reading my list.

2. Call of Duty 4 (PC/360/PS3)

Infinity Ward hasn’t missed a beat with Call of Duty 4. The game is actually their 3rd iteration of the franchise (3 was made by Teryarch), and everyone of the games has a unique flavor about it. Call of Duty 4 is all about cool weapons, insane firefights, and impossible situations. The veteran difficulty of the game will test your patience, but is still one of the most rewarding experiences in gaming to date. The graphics are superb, and at times look downright realistic. The story is an intertwining twist of characters from different backgrounds, and provides more than enough twists and turns to keep you interested. But the best part of Call of Duty 4 isn’t just the single player, it’s perhaps one of the deepest and most unique multiplayer experiences yet for a first person shooter. In a mix between an MMORPG and a shooter you level up your character by using killing enemies, completing objectives, and accomplishing tasks. Leveling up unlocks perks to customize your character, as well as unlocks the ability to use new weapons. It was a god damn genius move and it created some of the most addicting online play we’ve seen this year.

1. Mass Effect (360)

Every year there seems to be a game that just instantly grips me and I can’t stop playing it.  This year, that game was Mass Effect.  After the the mediocre experience I had with Jade Empire, Bioware came back big time with Mass Effect.  Like Bioshock, Mass Effect took the RPG experience mainstream, and it did it without making any sacrifices.   The game sported incredible visuals and a conversation system that flowed back and forth dynamically like watching a movie.  The story was unique and interesting, and literally spanned across a galaxy in which you could freely explore and do side quests on.  The core gameplay was based around a 3rd person shooter mechanic, but was well grounded in the rules of an RPG.  Weapon upgrades, character specialties, and tons and tons of areas to explore all made this a truly amazing experience.  I’m incredibly happy this game is part of a trilogy and can’t wait to see what the second one brings.

Mass Effect truly is the game of the year.

Note:   It should be noted that because of the insane holiday season of all the good games, certain titles didn’t even get to be considered.  Crysis, Assassin’s Creed, and Uncharted: Drake’s Fortune among them.